


i don't know what i'm supposed to do (haunted by the ghost of you)

by yourstrulytay



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Missing Scene, POV TK Strand, These adorable babies, i would die for them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:21:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23111617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourstrulytay/pseuds/yourstrulytay
Summary: Missing scene from 1x10 aka the one where TK tells Carlos how he really feels.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand
Comments: 19
Kudos: 377





	i don't know what i'm supposed to do (haunted by the ghost of you)

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "The Night We Met" by Lord Huron because they played it at the end of episode 10 and now I'm obsessed!

“Okay so you will have to take it easy for a week and then come see me again. We’ll look at removing your stitches then,” the doctor looks at him and smiles with exasperation, “Please, for the love of God, don’t rip your stitches _again_.”

TK laughs and nods as his doctor walks away. His smile falls a bit as he sees who is now standing by the curtain around his bed. It’s Carlos, and all TK wants to do is wrap himself in the cop’s arms, but the look in Carlos’ eyes stops him. Mixed in with obvious relief is pain, pain that TK knows he put there by not being able to be with him fully.

Truthfully, the reasons he gave Carlos just a few hours ago are no less valid, but he can’t help but feel regret at how the conversation ended. Those hours feel like days, _weeks_ even, and TK just wants to take all of his words back and tell Carlos that he wants to give a relationship between the two of them a shot. He wants a _them_.

But Carlos already has a shuttered look upon his face, and he clears his throat, “Captain Strand asked me to drive you home. He and the 126 still have a few calls to get to, but he wanted to make sure you got home safe.”

_Ah so that explains why he’s here_. TK wilts a little at the knowledge that Carlos is just here at Owen Strand’s request, and not because he actually wants to see TK. He guesses he really shouldn’t be surprised, considering he had just broken up with Carlos mere hours before.

_Is it still a breakup if you weren’t really together in the first place?_ This is the thought that causes TK to snap out of his daze and actually respond to the man in front of him, “Uh- yeah, sure, okay. Let’s go, I guess.” Carlos gives a stilted nod and presumably starts toward his car, leaving TK to follow.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The car ride back to TK and Owen’s place is… awkward to say the least. TK isn’t sure what the proper protocol should be for driving in the same vehicle as his pseudo-ex-maybe-boyfriend, and Carlos’ face seems to become stormier with each passing minute. The silence is thick, and TK wants to crawl out of his skin. He’s anxious, waiting for either of them to do something, _say_ something, but neither of them opens their mouths. It’s a standoff, but it’s one that TK really doesn’t want to win. He wants Carlos to say something, do something, even just _look_ at him. He knows it’s his fault, knows he hurt the other man. What he doesn’t know is how to fix it. What is he supposed to say, really? _Hey, I know I said only a few hours ago that I didn’t even understand who I was or what I wanted with my life, and that I didn’t know how you could fit into that, but I miraculously figured it out when I saved that lady and I really want to date you so can we revisit that conversation?_

Yes, TK supposes that that’s probably _exactly_ what he should be saying, but he can see Carlos’ face, and he doesn’t know if telling him what he wants will mean opening himself up to rejection. Really, isn’t that what the entire situation was about in the first place? After Alex had confessed to him about his trainer, TK had felt like he’d been flayed open. Every word had felt like another slice. He doesn’t know if he can take the same thing from Carlos right now, especially do soon. He may not love Carlos like he did Alex, but he can see the potential, knows that’s part of the reason he fought so hard to push him away to begin with, knows that’s why it would hurt so damn much to be rejected by him. Truly, he wouldn’t blame Carlos. If he was in the other man’s position, he probably would have left long ago, and for much less than what TK has put him through.

A clearing of a throat breaks TK about of his reverie, only for him to realize that he has been staring at Carlos the entire time he was lost in thought. The second thing he realizes is that they are now parked outside of TK and Owen’s place and that Carlos has shut the car off and is staring right back at TK. 

Suddenly, nothing else matters. He has to tell Carlos everything, has to tell him the truth – even if that means they will be the last words he’ll ever speak to him.

“Can you come inside?” At Carlos’ surprised expression, TK tacks on a weak, “please?”

Carlos hesitates but quickly seems to come to some sort of conclusion. He unbuckles his seatbelt and reaches for his door handle, which spurs TK into following suit. They walk toward the front door of the Strands’ home in thick silence, TK fidgeting with his keys just for something to do. Unlocking the door and flicking on the lights, he walks into the house, hoping and trusting that Carlos is still following him. The silence is still too heavy and TK whirls around to face the other man, clearly startling him in the process.

“TK..?”

TK takes a deep breath, “I need to say something, or confess something, or- I don’t know what to call it, honestly. Just- can you please stay and hear me out?”

Carlos looks concerned, but there’s also a tenderness in his gaze that wasn’t present before. He quirks a smile, the first TK has seen from him all afternoon and it unfurls something in his gut. “Of course I will, TK. Whatever you need to say, I’ll listen.”

So, TK begins, and he tells Carlos about his and Alex’s relationship, about the proposal-that-wasn’t, the overdose. Throughout the entire thing, he paces the length of the couch that Carlos is sitting on, but he catches glimpses of the other man’s face every once in a while and can see nothing but support and affection in his eyes. It makes something inside of TK settle, the something that thought that maybe Carlos would run far and fast as soon as he found out TK’s entire dark history. The irony of those thoughts is that the only person between the two of them that was doing any sort of running was TK.

“That’s- that’s what I meant by ‘nuclear bad’ when we were at the station. The entire thing with Alex- it just pushed me so off balance, I didn’t know how to settle down. Until a few hours ago, I still had no idea who I even was. For so long, my entire identity was just wrapped up in Alex, our relationship. When it was taken away from me in a matter of seconds, it’s like - I don’t know. I just felt like I lost sight of who I was supposed to be, and getting shot, it didn’t help. I felt so lost and afraid.” TK finally stops pacing and makes eye contact with Carlos. “I pushed you away because of all that, and - I’m just so fucking sorry, Carlos -”

“- Hey, whoa, no.” Carlos cuts him off with a stern look and TK- he just deflates, flopping down onto the couch beside the other man. Carlos continues, “There is no fault here TK. I’m sorry that I made you feel pressured to be with me, and I’m sorry that I didn’t give you enough time to heal, I swear that was never my intention.”

And just- what?

“Wait what?” TK vocalizes just that.

“What?” Carlos repeats.

“Is that what you think I meant by telling you all of that? That I felt pressured?”

“I mean. Yes?”

“What? No.”

Carlos stares at him for a long minute, mouth opening and closing, and TK feels a strong urge to start laughing.

“Carlos, no. I was telling you all of that because I wanted you to know where my head’s at. I was _going to_ continue before you interrupted me – rude, by the way.

Carlos still looks confused, so TK decides to help him out.

“When I was in that bus earlier, all I could think was that I wasn’t going to be able to save that lady, and that I was going to be right, that I didn’t belong with the 126, that I shouldn’t be a firefighter anymore.” Carlos looks like he wants to argue again, so TK hurries to continue. “But then my dad showed up with the rest of my team, and they all got her out. She’s okay, she’s alive, and I realized that a lot of that has to do with me. And I realized that, while I couldn’t have done it on my own, we aren’t supposed to. That’s why we’re a team. It all clicked into place, and I know that I belong with them – with my family. And Carlos – it got me to thinking about… us.”

TK reaches out to grasp at Carlos’ hands and takes a steadying breath. Carlos finally seems to get a grasp on his words, looking the tiniest bit hopeful. “What are you saying, TK?”

“I’m saying, Carlos, that I know I’ve been difficult, and will probably continue to be difficult, and I know it’s taken me a long time to get here – probably too long – but I would love to give _us_ a shot. Like, a true chance to be something. And look, I know I hurt you and I was so indecisive, so I would understand if you… don’t want this. I won’t lie and say it won’t suck a lot, but I need you to know I’d - ”

“Tyler Kennedy.”

And that – _that_ is what stops him cold in his tracks. Carlos’ voice is filled with so much affection and warmth and TK _aches_ with it. He has to close his eyes because it’s _so much_ , and how can a man like Carlos even exist? How does he just… let go? So easily? How can he forgive TK so easily?

TK voices these thoughts.

Carlos huffs out a laugh and puts a hand on TK’s cheek to force him to look and him. “TK. I want to be with you. I want to get to know you. If you think for even a second that I blame you for having walls after all you’ve been through, I will be the first to tell you that you are completely wrong. I’m willing to take it slow, _more_ than willing, actually. I like you. It’s that simple, okay?”

It feels as if a weight that TK didn’t fully realize was there has been lifted and he can feel a full-blown grin begin to break out on his face. “Okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> HONESTLY I am just really annoyed that we didn't get to see this scene, so I wrote it.  
> Comments are always appreciated!


End file.
